my Life

Friday, February 10, 2006

alone at hm rite now... haiz! again... feel so... lonely... sometimes think tat got bf like no diff to dun hav... got frens like no diff to no frens... feel tat everything in life is already planned & fixed for me... like no rite to find my own destiny... mrs singh's rite... we hav... i mean i hav no life... at all... no meaning in my life... no point tat i'm living in this world... everything's seemed so dead... everyday's doin the same thing... i jus dunno y... when i needed to tok to someone... noone would be there... ha... it's so diff to find someone to tok to... my mind is all filled with voices 'cherlyn lok... u sux big time, really...' i'm god damn emotional... nobody liked me... i cry like everyone owe me sth... wish to control... but i've tried my best... i jus hate myself... noone appreciates wat i do... not my bf, my frens... maybe not even my family... i feel like a failure... i dun wish to be so negative thinkin de... but i cnt help it... everything happen the way i dun wan it to or nv xpected to... like today... ravi & safie came to sch late... i din even know if they r comin to sch not... they were not happy tat i nv help them to keep their files... so i ran down to the office to take them frm mdm loke... then ran back to the hall again... i nv xpected tat ravi would scold me for bringin them up... i was like so shocked & disappointed... my tears were at the edge of my eyelids... i tot they would be happier... but no... maybe tat was wat i think... but in reality... they weren't... i went back to my seat then break down cryin... i was like thinkin... i did quite alot for the class sometimes... but nobody... really nobody appreciates... maybe wat i said or i do doesn't make any difference nor is it important... thanks for anna & syariff who realised i was cryin & tried to comfort me... i really appreciate their concern... my bf was like some kindof weather... he can be very gd... he can be in a bad mood at times... i know i wasn't a gd gf... i always made him angry & stuff... but i... honestly jus wan his attention... i jus wan him to care more for me... to hear bout wat i wanna say... i dun really like to share my probs with him cos i dun think he wouldn't think it's really a big matter... it's so hard to please someone... i'm startin to slack so much tat i'm startin to neglect my studies... i really tried to buck up... but my mind keeps on tellin me not to... haiz... i really hope tomolo would be beta... actually i rather write everythin down here than tell ppl bout wat i m always thinkin...
( ^_<)\/ luv, lyn =luv is not bout possession=

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

today in sch is like... boring~ after sch went to c dear... sick again... so weak one... lol! watched 'Ice Princess' nice wor... liked the phrase 'Big dreams happen to those who dream Big' =)
( ^_<)\/ luv lyn, =luv is not bout possession=

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

3rd of february
workin at nite, actually nth much la... long time no eat salad only =D
4th of february
went to dear's hse in the mornin, dunno how to do my eng compre, so ask him lo... lol! then after tat dear went to work then i went to sam's hse to meet rol gan... sam's dad look really young lo... but my dad more handsome ^-^ after tat went to koonloong's hse, gamble abit... lose... lol! after tat shujun, xiaofen, grace, cheexian, koonloong, shuzhen, nic, rol gan & me went all the way to sembawang to visit mr ang's hse... his baby daughter is so cute... look more like her mother already... managed to carry her when some ppl went hm =) got fatin, farhana, kelvin, qingwei, farhan, max, darren, tongaik & the 9 of us... after tat, shujun, grace, xiaofen, darren & most of them went to clara's hsewarming... so only koonloong, cheexian, shuzhen, nic, rol gan & tongaik went to my hse... lol! then took taxi to rol gan's hse to hav dinner... dinner was great! then zhiwei & samantha came ltr... to gamble! woohoo! my luck's there... i won some money... cool! then went hm lo... lol! tired day
5th of february
sunday, workin lo... lol! also nth much la... after work went to uncle peter's hse to visit... lol! so difficult to find his unit... after tat my dad fetch me to temple pray pray... haha! so tired also...
6th of february
which is today! lol! din do my art... lucky mr lim nv say anything =D... then durin VE class, ravi & nadiah did a great job with the fund raising presentation proposal... i din do anything but ravi still insist tat i put in some effort also... but i feel guilty lei... lol! after tat got trainin... ha! was very offended by a sec 1 china ger... she's of the same age as me... 17 yrs old... but her mind is filled with shit & her heart is black like coal... i guarantee tat, really... she has no fukin discipline & shows her dumb attitude & worse she's a god hell flirt... when we senior gers tok to her, she nv even bother to reply... when the guys tok to her, she's laughin all the way... wat a bi*ch! she's like throwin herself to the guys like this... wtf! nvm bout all this... she tot she very capable of eveything... but the fact is she's not! there's this ger called brenda... this bi*ch called zhang xue... brenda was not specialised in runnin as she's a shotputter... but she still puts in her effort to run... & half way she got stitches so i told her to walk back... nvm... then this dumb zhangxue... scolded her... 'u haven run finish hor... walk only... u beta go run, u this fat one...' hey! i admit brenda's plump... but this freakin hell zhangxue is also a plump one lo... i mus say tat, she beta go look herself in the mirror before she open her mouth to shoot anything out... how dare she... so i voice out lo... cos brenda din say anything... i dun like ppl to be bullied... 'ppl cnt run only, got the need to say til like this meh' lol! she keep quiet... even jacklyn thinks this bunch of sec 1s need to be disciplined especially the gers... dun let me hear this zhangxue speak another dumb word... if not she's gonna get some real punishment... track & field members r supposed to be a team... not a bunch of immature children... duh~
( ^_<)\/ luv, lyn =luv is not bout possession=

Friday, February 03, 2006

i dunno who this fukin pui is... if u dare to tag it tat way then u would dare to own up... unless u r a freakin bloody hell COWARD! read this MORON COWARD!!! geez! dunno who this person is... so idiotic... anyway din go for my trainin today... then after sch got physics remedial... then got some kind of flag day briefin... til 4... then went to wilson's hse... watch 'Saw' ummm... actually i think it's gross... bleahzz! tomolo workin... lol! sat i'm free woo hoo! my hp kena confiscated by joyce ang today... freak... so sway... jus happened to stand up holdin my hp... then haiz! nvm... at least i managed to get it back... then durin recess played 21points with zhiwei, carol they all... earned $2 lol! cool... wat luck... =)
( ^_<)\/ luv, lyn =luv is not bout possession=

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

ok... back in singapore... i'll tell frm the day i went to malaysia... tat will be the 28th of january =) in the daytime went out with dear... watched the movie 'i NOT stupid Too' damn touchin... it's a really nice show... worth payin the xtra price to watch it... i was cryin like it really happened to me like this... everythin in the storyline was so real... tat was wat we kids were thinkin bout sometimes... altho all the characters were diff in this particular movie... but it was nicer then the previous movies... this was the first movie tat made me cry the heart out of me... i think most ppl cried ba... cos wat they said,really touched ur hearts... after tat went hm to hav reunion dinner... lol my fault tat dear is late for his dinner, sry... went to johor to take the bus to malaysia... lol! the journey was reallt a quick one... we boarded the bus at round 12.45a.m. we reached KL at round 2.45p.m. quick rite... lol! we all din realise it... all were slpin... 29th of january, first day of chinese new yr... lol! the best day of new yr... collect angbaos! then all my cousins will gather together... =) took quite alot of photos ^-^ will post them up all together when i'm free... it was such a long time since i've seen all of them... they've all grown up le... lol... now my cousin brother also nv quite like to tok to me... actually me also la... din really tok more than 3sentences durin this 3 days... lol! was like so awkward... anyway was kindof borin there... 30th of january... went to my dad's side of relatives... was even more borin... cos i couldn't communicate with them... the kids were too young & the adults were like wuoh! really adults... so most of the time my mouth was shut & my eyes were glued to the screen of the tv... keep on nudgin my dad to go when i was like turnin slpy... lol! i know tat's kindof rude... 31st of january... hm time but sway... was sick... went to c doctor... lucky alrite le... if not no need come back... made dear wasted so much time waitin for me... feel so guilty... he could hav done sth much useful... lol! but nvm... went to his hse at round 6plus once i got hm... ate mcdonald's hm delivery... after tat 9plus went hm le... tat's all folks! bye!
( ^_<)\/ luv, lyn =luv is not bout possession=