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Thursday, April 30, 2009
No matter how strong or mature i grow up to be,
There's still that teeny weeny bit of childish, stubborn, selfish & petty part of a girl in me.

Maybe you just don't realise it.

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Sunday, April 26, 2009
I had my eyes set on 2 clothes from bonitochico!
Omg~
Had the urge to splurge but just couldn't afford to do so!
Ahhh! I want to buy them so much! Argh~

It's our 4th month together!
ILOVEYOU ah bee!
I have a rather weak heart. Lol. And yes... you managed to surprise me, yet again, with your small, sweet surprises ^^
Moving on to our 5th month!

I somehow had fun working in the new place.
Although it's still lacking abit of this and that here and there, still find everything rather fun and amusing. Lol. There's still so many ideas to throw in, and yeah, i love this kind of feeling. Giving me lots of space to think and imagine and get my creativity rollin'~

And YES!
I'm finally and officially a born and bred SINGAPOREAN!
Wahahahaha! No more calling me jiu hu kia!
Though i never acknowledge that nonsense before. Why?? That's simple. Read between the lines. I'm born and bred here, in Singapore *wide grin!

It's so nice to hear my parents laughing, genuinely, though they're just laughing at that ghost comedy movie.

Pet Society sucks when it keeps hanging.

My baby's so silly! Haha!
Once upon a sunny day, i only said i wanted to try the new Cadbury flavour, Blackforest.
Then i die die wanted him to get it for me. And me trying the new Blackforest McFlurry, which i didn't even finish it. Just left it there to melt after having 2 mouths of it.
From that moment on, he thought my favourite flavour is Blackforest. Which is not! I hate Blackforest! Especially in cakes. Let's just say it's my least favourite.
And he actually bought a slice of Blackforest cake for me today, still thinking that's my favourite.
But still, i finished the whole slice. Muackz!
There's still so many 'homework' he needed to do. Haha! Ang ah Ang.
Eh my dear friend BELL... Enlighten him please!
Haha! If not, he'll keep feeding me with Blackforest.

It's so HOT nowadays! Step out of the house for 5 minutes and you would want to go back in to the house take another refreshing bath.
And the friggin' aircon is faulty! Damn!

I need to find a school fast in order to stop mama from nagging everyday, nonstop, continuously on the same topic, over and over again -.-"

I'm looking forward to payday.

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Thursday, April 23, 2009
Today! Woke up just when the clock strikes 1pm.
Haha! Was on the com till 5pm then went to Lot1 to meet up with Edwin.
My first time visiting Lot1. It's not a very huge mall la.
But got to see mama work for the first time too! Haha! For so many months since she started work there.
Had Sakae for dinner. Felt bad that Ed had to pay for the treat. But he said he settled my belated birthday treat! Made me feel alot better =) Thanks ah!
Although the meet up's a short one, we still had fun talking rubbish ^^

Left for home. Bro called to ask me to come home to cook the rice. One thing both the Lok siblings had no talent in... is definitely cooking. I had never once got the proportion of water for the rice right. Not even today -.-"
Don't ever ask me to step into the kitchen if you don't want your stomach to suffer.
And that is why i need to get a husband who 'jing de liao chu fang, chu de liao ting tang'.

Ah bee came at 9plus to pick me and bro up to the movies.
Watched ShinjukuIncident starring Jackie Chan, Daniel Wu, Fang Bing Bing etc.
Not my cup of tea though. More for the guys ba.
Betrayal. Loyalty. Brotherhood. Romance. Survival.
The violance terrified me more. Still gives me the chill.

Went home after the movie. It was drizzling!
Love it when it rains at night. Cold breeze with icy cold droplets of rain =D

To what extent do you agree that Bad girls only look for Good guys OR Bad guys only look for Good Girls?

One always desires to get something he/she couldn't own. But one should learn how to be content.

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Monday, April 20, 2009
Papa and I are still figuring out what stupid movie it is showing on Channel 5 now.
Okay it just ended. Wtf~
Lol. Rubbish!

My resume's halfway done. And now... I'm stuck.
Haha! Don't know what to put in to make up a good and convincing resume.

I think all these friggin' qigong demonstrations are crazy!
Omg! Freaks!
Why do all this meaningless stunts to harm your body?!
God~ I can feel the pain eventhough they don't.
Yuck!

Back to my resume. Sigh!
Just one sentence... Send me some guidance...
Haha!

It's the first day of Polytechnic's semester.
My brother left the house early in the morning.
I suppose all my friends are doing the same thing too.
Me?? Slept through morning and lazed in front of the com and TV since noon.
Haiz... thinking back. How much i would like this feeling when i'm in school. I dread going to school. But now... do you know much i wanted to go to school together with my brother and friends?? Very much indeed.
*Starting to get emo again... Waaa!

I miss my friends. I miss going to school ( not counting ITE )
People only know how to cherish when they start losing something.
I wish i could turn back time. I would study hard and get out of ITE with glory and get in to a course i would want, instead of racking my puny brains of how to get my resume done, send it out and wait for companies to get back to me.

Let me get out of this mess.
Just give me a break...

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Yet another bruise to my collection.
This time... unseen.
I couldn't find the bruise. But i could feel the pain when pressure is exerted to it.

I wanted to see how Dempsey looks like!
I want to go too!
Another time ba ^^

I had been sneezing and having this freaking flu, since this afternoon.
I learnt a new word from ah bee, 'Friggin'.
Lol! And i friggin feel like dying. My nose felt as though they'll drop off anytime.
Every scoop i tried to portion, i tried to fight back my mucus, from dripping into the food. Okay~ I know this part sounds disgusting. Not for the weak hearted to see this part. Haha.
Dave still dare to talk cock with me. "Eh... You becareful ah. Don't let your mucus get into the food. Although i accidentally did that once before la." Eeew~
Hello~ Will got karma one okay... Lol.

Everything was fine during work. Counting out the times i sneezed, took out that wet piece of paper napkin to rub my nose again and again and tilt my head up to prevent the mucus from flowing downwards.

Before everything happens, I was feeling fit as a fiddle the moment i stepped out of house.
Only when i stepped into the boundary of Pasir Ris...
Then the invasion of flu slowly took over. Lol. Lame.
Anyway, went to ah bee's place to have lunch.
Watched the last half an hour of that lame drama. Haha! Eh although it's damn lame, i still want to catch it. It's rubbish but funny.
Blabbered and laughed along with ah bee and Aazon. Then my flu worsen. Rested awhile then had dinner, washed up then rushed off to work.
Was supposed to go cycling, but changed our mind b'cause the weather is friggin' hot!
Had mee sua for lunch and curry chicken for dinner. Yum yum~
I'm blessed with my surrounding group of friends and family, who knows how to cook, not only just cook, but whipping up 'finger-licking' and 'mouth-watering good dishes.
So tell me, why would i have to learn cooking?!

Ahhh~ cannot take it anymore. Damn sick.
I'm going to bed. Ciaoz~

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Saturday, April 18, 2009
I had another BALUKU added to my collection... AGAIN!!

Worked in VanillaPod yesterday then ah bee came to pick me up.
Met Josh at Yishun's HongKong Cafe. Discussed bout my future decisions.
Then chatted for awhile till 2 plus. Had a BIG bowl of snowice.
Then home sweet home ^^

Before meeting up with Josh... this is what ah bee came with...
Taa-daa~


Gerbera! My favourite~ Meaning of this flower? Beauty & Innocence. Ah bell told me once that people who liked gerbera, cherishes friendship =)





ILOVE my ah bee la! All these small surprises makes a very big difference.





How to be angry with him?!

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Thursday, April 16, 2009
It's soooo late already and i'm still awake.
Sheesh~ Eh... I'm doing serious stuff here okay...
Browsing through the net looking for suitable private schools and institutions.

Getting bored from all the searchings.
All of these are straining my eyes real badly.

Went out at 9pm just now to VanillaPod with ah bee.
Yeah~ He's back safely and i think i mistook his arrival time.
Lol. Whatever la. We're birds from the same feather flocking together.
Always forgetting something or missing out important points.
At least he's back safe and sound in one piece!
Bell's first day at work, kena caught being the dish washer of the day, by me!
Haha! Eh! Consider getting a DDW with me la. AHAHAHAHA!
Fyi: DDW = Diploma in Dishwashing.
I know! Wtf right?! HAHA! Only boliao people like Ah Peng can think of such things.

Ah bee brought his catch and a bunch of bananas to my place before heading out.
Lol! He really did his homework la. My faveourite fruit? Bananas, and he got that into his head.
There's still loads for you to know bout me ah, baby. Ahaha! Nevermind. Plenty of time. Take your time la. You've got a lifetime to take notes of everything about this clumsy & suspected-ly brainless girl, named Cherlyn ^^
Then the restaurant, too, benefited with 2 of baby's BIG catch!
Woohoo! There's a yummy feast tomorrow for staff meal =)

Supposedly not working tomorrow but took over bell's shift.
Ahhh~ I also want to attend Poly's orientation.
I think i won't be able to attend one in my whole life anymore.
*tsk

Ah bee asked me a very simple question today.
"Have you finally realised what mistake you made that couldn't get you into where you wanted to be in?"
My answer: "Definitely... I totally regret it"
And i'm so angry with myself.
Next step, I have to work hard and study hard.
No plain promises but 'words of ACTION'.
To think that i only woke up after getting hit 2 times.
Now the impact's harder than i ever imagined.

Please show me some guidance and help me decide in which school i should get in.
To help in my education and career prospect.
Bobee Bobee...

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009
He's still not back yet!
I miss him so much!
Omg~
To think that it's only 2 days plus we didn't contact each other.
Lol. Imagine me going away for 3years, I think we'll both go crazy.
But he's out at sea, making me worry can. Sigh.
He said he'll be back in the morning. But till now, there's nothing =(
He better call back tonight. If not, i'm calling for the search party. LOL!

Started work in VanillaPod yesterday.
Did all the necessary cleaning up.
Had alot of ideas for decorating running in my mind.
Haha~ Like my own restaurant like that.
But it was fun =D
A really beautiful place. The restaurant cum bar's located in OrchidGarden, Mandai Lake Rd. Abit secluded. Accessibility isn't fantastic. But you still can get there quite easily.
Take Bus927 from ChoaChuKang or Bus138 from AngMoKio. Yup~ It's near the Zoo =)
Come give your support k?

I'm hungry!

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I cried, yet again...
Still couldn't face the fact that i'm school-less, jobless & penniless.
More of the fact that i'm school-less.
Every teardrop represents how much i wanted to get into a bloody fucking hell poly and how much i regretted not studying hard enough.
It's been more than a week already. And i'm still so bloody hell affected. Ahhh~

It's easy for you guys to say because it's either you have somewhere to go, a poly that accepts you or you have plans ahead of you already.
But me? I'm not even prepared to fail getting in to one. I never prepared myself to end up looking for a private school. If i had known i would still come back to square one, i would have gotten myself into a bloody private school and not tryin my luck in an ITE.

At least if i couldn't get in to a poly, I would gladly want to put everything here aside and fly all the way abroad to get what i want.
But that dream just seems too difficult to achieve and fulfil.
I don't know if i should say it's impossible, but mama let me think that it's possible. But i don't think i want to.

I can't see what's ahead of me. Everyday seems to be another fruitless day. Tomorrow doesn't look meaningful to me. I need an answer, i need a guidance.
I'm sick. But not having an answer to all my questions just made it worse.
I don't know where to start picking up my pieces.
It's just worse than falling out of love.
I don't want to be a 'lalang' forever. I really want to be somebody. I didn't aim to marry a rich man and be a taitai. I wanted to have a career i like and earn loads of money. But all that... I couldn't see it in front of me.
The clock is always ticking. Everyday seems to pass by so quickly. There's no time to stay emo, but still, i don't know which step to take.
Words of advices fall upon deaf ears. I appreciate all that, but that's not what i wanted to hear.

Till now, i still yearn... for that one call, to tell me, "We've just read your appeal and glad to inform you that you've been accepted."
I don't even have this scene appearing in my dreams. *tsk

I have a headache, a blocked nose and 'sore' eyes (from all that crying).
I miss my Mr Ang and i just hope everytime i'm depressed and crying, he'll be there to hug me and wipe my tears away. I want nothing said, no need for consolation, no need for encouragement, just silence. The power of silence says it all, with a hug. Love, encouragement, consolation, care, sincerity and concern. It's much more better and stronger than words.

Ah bee! Sigh... I wish you good luck on your catch so that i can have fish for dinner. Lol.

Too bad he doesn't visit my blog. Need someone to convey the above messages to him. Haha!

It's a good thing to be understood when you're at your worst and downs.

My eyes hurt...

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Monday, April 13, 2009
Just came back from KL's place.
Had steamboat with the peeps.
Loads of nonsense and laughter.
A total of 9 people, a steamboat and 3 bottles of Moet & Chendon, YEAH RIGHT! Haha~ It's just sparkling juice la!
With all the full grown adults, Koonloong, Shuzhen, Carol, Xiaofen, Grace, TKC, Nic, Bee & me, all squeezing together. Damn hot can...
Luckily managed to catch the last train, if not, another burnt hole in my pocket.

Let's get back to what happened today.
Was supposed to go to Sentosa this morning/noon.
But SWAY~ Freaking hell rain! I don't know why. It's the 5th time i planned to go to Sentosa. But always failed to do according as planned, because, it will sure rain, somehow. Fuck.
Damn bad mood.
Gave ah bee a surprise by appearing outside his place before he steps out. Lol.
From one end of Singapore to the other is never easy. And to think that i'm using adult fare, it's harder than expected. The fares always suck me dry real fast.
Anyway, distributed 'Easter eggs', which are Kinder Joy, which took me a loooonnnngggg time to get my hands on them (i'll elaborate on that later). Lol.
Then the rain started to get heavier. So in the end... we stayed home watching TV until bee's parents were back from Malaysia.
Head out to Tampines 1 after lunch. It was really like a mini VivoCity! Nice~ New shops. New brands. New mall!
But things which are new, always attracts the Kiasuness of Singaporean spirits. The mall was soooo packed, i would usually get kind of pissed off with people pushing and the limited space to move freely.
But not today~ TV and window shopping at the new mall makes me smile =D

Took a looonnggg bus ride from Tampines to AngMoKio. Omg... Was so tired. I wanted to sleep but ah bee became very irritating and started to disturb me. So we ended up playing and doing those crap nonsense.
You're always putting that inevitable smile on my face la, ang ^^

Let's rewind back to yesterday.
Was supposed to be Harta's belated birthday celebration. But it was badly organised, i have to say. Only ended up me and pong met him at town to have dinner.
But i still had fun. Non stop laughter. Never ending nonsense.
I felt so bad for Harta la. But i hope he's happy too =)

Haiz... Polytechnics' semesters are reopening soon.
Everybody's gonna be so busy with their new school term, orientation and all.
Except me. I don't know what i should do next. Seriously, i'm feeling... aww i don't know how i should feel. It's just so difficult to put all these mixed up feelings into words.
I keep thinking but without an outcome of all my brainstormings. Or should i say, i didn't even think bout anything to start with.
I really wanted to study. But it just doesn't seem easy to achieve it.
I wanted to study abroad. But the sum is not what i have expected. It's freaking too much! They count by USD. Imagine the amount man.

Sigh... I just hope i don't find the road, but the road finds me.

I'm really falling for you, deeper & deeper.

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Friday, April 10, 2009
They... didn't call... Ha...
Didn't really fall hard. Expected it all along.
Sigh~

Anyway... Went out with ah bee three days in a row.
Went to Tampines for Teppanyaki on Wednesday.
Then Kbox with his camp mates yesterday at Marina Square, had dinner then went to baby's place to catch his 'ping ping pang pang' show.
*tsk... The show is abit rubbish. Their acting also not good de. Bah...
Comes today! Wasn't suppose to be meeting until Sunday.
But ah bee saw me so poorthing. Left all alone at home. So he asked me to head out with him and nic for lunch at Changi Village, Yum~ the food are nice! *Slurp! Then fishing! at Yishun.
Lol. I think luck's not on out side today. Especially ah nic. HAHA! Rain was pretty heavy today... Nevermind... But ah nic damn unlucky! 2 newly bought baits. $10++ each. One got stuck in the tree while he's not looking at where he's casting. Then the other, the line somehow broke.
So we ended up going back home. Poor nic.

My baby ang... is DAMN CUTE!
We share the common points, called forgetfulness & clumsiness.
Hugz! People opposite attractions, Lol! Instead we share something common.
Ours are categorised under the major & extreme kind of forgetfulness, which means, for example, have something put somewhere for 5 mins and we go doing other things, we'll forget where exactly did we left it previously and end up looking high and low for it.
Then comes clumsiness, i think noone can outtake me! Hoho~

Muackz! I'm lovin' Aaron Ang Jin Sheng!
Looking forward to Sentosa Sunday!
I hope my plan goes to plan~ Ha!

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Thursday, April 09, 2009
Everything turned out the way i wanted them to be. NOT!

I do not carry much hope in receiving the reply from RP. Although i really wanted them to call, well, anything that doesn't belong to me, would never be mine.
Same like relationships.

Should i have met you a few years earlier or a few years later?
It seems like we're together in the wrong timing now.
I really considered going, my heart tells me to go, but i couldn't bear to leave.

If i had studied well, and not lazed around, thinking i had exam luck (although i know i always had it, but just a few teeny weeny percentage), i wouldn't have land myself in this kind of shitty situations.
But think again, studying abroad isn't a bad idea after all.

Anyway, have to rush off now.
If not, i'm going to get it if i'm late AGAIN!
Need to brush up on my punctuality and time management.

Pray hard they call, okay?!

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Tuesday, April 07, 2009
I felt so helpless this time, i cried yet again.
And thanks to Edwin, I had the letter properly sorted out.
Lol. I'm so sorry i made you stayed up till this late.
But it's really important to me. For that, I thank you =)

Just came back from Malaysia. Still caught in the trauma of not getting accepted.
All the advices and opinions gotten from my relatives, just made me regret more on all my past choices and wrong doings.
I just felt... useless.

Quarrelling with you didn't make me feel any better.
It just made me feel worse, because you're retaliating and not thinking why i behaved that way.
I knew you cared but i just don't feel it because you don't show it nor express it in the right way.

I'll get on with a post with all that has happened during the 3 and a half days back in Malaysia when i'm feeling alittle bit better.

Just stop demoralising me already. I don't need encouragements, just mere silence and some peace and quiet would be appreciated. A skip off this particular topic would at least put a plastered smile on my face and make me stop the tears welling up to the brim of my eyes which threaten to overflow again.

With Edwin's help, i got the appeal letter done up properly.
Ready to be sent in tomorrow. Not!
I've yet gather everything i need for the appeal.
My testimonials. It's like in the past. Everything's just so last minute.
Once again, i can blame nobody but myself.

Thanks for all your well wishes and comforts. I do wish i could have lunch with u guys in the same campus. I wish my prayers will be answered. Really i just wish.

Once again, i disappointed everyone.
I never realised how much it hurts my family, seeing me like this, until now.
I deceived myself by thinking i could do it.
I let my brother down and i had a feeling he left that bank loan opportunity for me, instead of taking it himself.

It hurts me to hear mama asking herself how many more years she has to work harder to fork out the money for our education.
It hurts me to realise i'm earning too, yet i always have to ask for more from them. And i know what's the reason.

I couldn't stop crying.
I'm worrying so much, i think i sleeptalk.

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Friday, April 03, 2009
Fuck. I didn't get in to any fucking polytechnic.
I feel like just slapping myself hard.
But everything's already too late.
I failed as a daughter & as a student.
I disappointed my parents, my brother & ang.
I thought if i did well for this last term, i'll get to where i want to be, which is obviously just the most naive thing i could ever thought about.
By the time i wanted to do well, it's obviously too late.
Who am i to blame... but only myself.

I broke the news to bell, ang and mama.
Broke down when i called ang. I'm happy that bell made it. Mama was totally disappointed, i can feel it. She didn't know how to tell papa. I know my brother tried very hard to cheer me up. Tried to pretend that nothing unhappy happened.
I can't believe i'm going to go overseas with a fucking heavy heart.
This wasn't what i wanted. I really wanted to get into a decent poly.
Not looking desperately for a private diploma.
(Okay... She broke the news to him. I think he expected it, but i can feel he's disappointed too.)
I think i'm the most useless person in this family.
Only know how to earn n spend more than i earned.
So what if i'm silly, dumb and beyond hope-ly kind. It's not going to help me get into a fucking school.
Only know how to cry when things come tumbling down.
Only know how to talk without showing improvements.
Going to get everything ready and head down to RP again to appeal for a place.
I really hope to get in. I don't care whoever told me RP sucks.
I think RP's a good school. And i'm really not there to just get in just because i couldn't get in to any other schools.
It's really because i wanted to learn. So much and so badly.
Okay. I think this is what i'm going to say if i'm shortlisted as an interviewee.
I'm going to cry & beg if they shake their head. Not.
Ahhh! Please get me somewhere. Let me get a glimpse of my future road, give me an opportunity to show what i've got before shooting me to death can??

If you're here to laugh at my plight, go ahead.
You know what? I don't care. Because yes, i admit i'm not as smart as any of you who's laughing.
Fuck you bitches.

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Went to Harta's place to get FOOD brought back from Indo this noon.
Met Ade there, so headed to Bugis together since we're going to the same destination.
We went seperate ways, she meeting her friends, and i went to meet Lianyin.
Bought 2 leggings from Bugis Street. Lianyin bought a high waist skirt.
Teresa came along aftermath. Bad news was... the place we wanted to go for an interview for... the vacancy was taken up already =(
So it was a wasted trip. I felt so bad la... Sorry lei, Lianyin & Teresa...
Around 7plus, i went ahead to look for Bell while she's working.
Justin's there. Whenever he's there, i just felt as though the atmosphere was so heavy, it's as if there's difficulty breathing. LOL.
B'cause he looked fierce! And the feeling he gave people was like... 'Beware. Don't come near me!'
Haha! But he did smile when he left. Bell said this was the first time she saw him smile. Or did she say he hardly smile?? Lol. Whatever.
But he's really a hot hunk can... Aww~
Maybe i got the mei li =p

Waited for her while i did my thing, till 9pm.
Then we headed off to Changi Airport where the guys were waiting.
This is like the 3rd time i'm at the airport within a week!
I've been to Budget, T1 - T3.
Omg~ It's as if i'm flying off, but the fact that i'm not!

Josh said wanted to chill~ that's why went to CA.
Whatever la! Haha! In the end went to ChangiVillage to have nasi lemak.
Yum~ The chicken wings are nice! Midjoints are forever my favourite. No matter it's deep fried, baked, grilled, bbqed, steamed, or how ever you prepare with =D

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Wednesday, April 01, 2009
In the end, we didn't meet up yesternight. I mean bell & me.
Instead... ah bee came over to woodlands and we watched Confessions of a Shopaholic!
Ah bee came to pass his catch to my family. Lol He's really cute, i mean really.
Anyway, back to the movie... It's really god damn nice!
Shopping really makes one happy. It's just the matter bout having money or not.
The movie was "Wow..." LOL I so wish i could be like her ^^
Ah bee loves it too! Haha!

I love you, ang~
You're so tired yet you still insisted on coming all the way from the other end of Singapore to accompany me watch this movie =)
Loves~

Never do things at the very last minute, people!
I gave up playing PetSociety halfway this afternoon and decided to get going with the book i was supposed to do for Sam.
She left for Japan today. We're so gonna miss her.
Well, i don't think the book was very well done.
But my efforts were really all in there!
I raced to the mall to get all the necessary items and had the photos printed out, then raced home again to do up everything.
By the time i'm done, my hands were shaking.
Lol! Extreme right?! But true.
I just hope she liked it.
Bitch! We have loads of bitching to do after 5years!
So come back in one piece!

It's April's Fool!
Yes... I've been fooled... Twice...
When i actually planned to trick ang with bell, i was fooled myself. Wtf! How dumb can i be... Haha
But my dear was clever this time~
He knew right away... Haha!
Oh god! Bell's conversation was hilarious. Wahahaha!
Unsuccessful attempt.. Sheesh! No fun =(

Next BIG thing:
- Results are out first thing tomorrow morning!
- Look for a new job!
- Harta's birthday's round the corner.
- Genting Highlands this weekend.
- Departure's the next movie we're going to watch.
- Good Friday and Easter Day's coming to town!

Please oh please let me pass... Just get me into any decent poly...

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The profile
Cherlyn
20 years of age
Ordinary. Simplified. And easily understood.
I ♥ my life!
May Lady Luck be with me

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