my Life

Friday, June 26, 2009

The fact bout you both together, doesn't bother me anymore.
Although it still irks me, i'll just live with reality.
You... are simply not worth it.
Not worthy enough to take my smile away.
Let's just say... I had never doubted you before, until today.
I'm not upset because you took him away.
I'm upset because you lied to me.
I didn't hurt you, but you hurt me instead.

Can someone tell me how i can fix this stupid situation i'm in right now?
Okay... not so much of a situation.
Just for once. Let me have things MY way, possible?
Why is it that almost every choice i make, more like I WANT to make, had been discouraged most of the time?
I thought i plucked up enough courage to fight for what i want.
But it's like me, trying to pry open the door, using physical strength, but no matter how hard i try, it just wouldn't open.
So what? I need to find the right key that fits through that keyhole, which then leads me to the other side of him?
.......................................
God... What am i actually talking bout...
I'm so dead beat. I end up blabbering bout nothing.

Well... at least i added one more entry to the list.
I just need more time for more breaks.
I would want to go to Bali though, if i'm actually allowed to.
Put aside parents' permission, taking leaves from work for holidays is already a problem.
Sigh!

Labels: - Felt the stab of betrayal.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Things didn't go well since last week.
And it seemed worse yesterday.
The suicidal thought just striked me after i got to know what hit me so hard.
To many, fortunately that thought came too early, so by the time it turns dark, it just slipped off my mind.
And maybe it's because of the big bump on my forehead caused by my total clumsiness, that the pain and stupidity turned me off from that ugly thought. Or maybe because i wouldn't want to leave him, with guilt, and her, in sorrows (not so much of sorrows, since she had decided her speech will start like, "... I'm honoured to have been the last person she had spoken to...")
Thanks Bell... the message you sent after we hung up last night, touched my soul. And although i cried after reading it, it perked me up alot early in the morning. Tears of contentment i would say. What more from a friend would i ask for =)

I can clearly see the future.
The future with me and you in it...
Just hope you'll make up your mind real quickly.
I'll still be waiting, but this time, i'll just look from one corner and just wait in silence...

Labels: - You took my heart away.

Monday, June 22, 2009

KNNB CCB!
Fucking pissed now.
The moment that conversion keeps flashing back into my mind, i just feel like pulling my hair and slap the people who had disappointed me, straight in the bloody fucking face.
Yes! Including you! AARON ANG!
The new W&D does makes my blood boil, but so what?!?!
I know friendship will never come between the new lovebirds. And our friendship is not even worth it, am i not right??

In less than a week, i lost the man of my life, my bestest boy-friend and my so-called sister.
I felt like a fucking fool, to believe all the bloody hell assurances.
It just made me realise, how much i had hurt myself, giving all of you the 100% trust.
I would might as well have used a pen knife to slit my own wrist (which i would jolly feel like doing) because i just realised, LIFE IS FUCKING MEANINGLESS, with all these people who keeps coming and walking out of my life, just like that.

You hurt me time and again. I've been there for you like forever. But now you're doing this shit to me again. But hey... you know what? At least you're happy! Because you got a hot girlfriend you wanted, she's totally caring and sweet, like you wanted. And the sight of her, doesn't make you want to just ask her to get out of your sight, like how much you wanted to when you're with me! So... Congratulations!

I know i'm getting fucking bitchy now. But i don't care. I'll be okay later like i always will.

Just tell myself, they're not worth it.. They're not worth it.. They're not worth it.

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe i'm so fucking naive & stupid.
Go to hell! Cherlyn Lok!

Labels: - Totally disappointed and disgusted.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

6.30am in the morning.
And i'm already up. Wtheck!
I need to go back to bed, 'cause i know the sleep is not enough.

Caught Blood:TheLastVampire the other night.
It's a waste of money. And i still feel the pinch, having $20 thrown into the drain.

A new found kitty, which i, myself, named him, Tiger, all because this beautiful cat, had such beautiful fur prints.
But not at all aggressive, instead he's like an adorable baby, who yearns for attention and loads of love.
Loves to gobble up anything fishy, eew~ it actually ate the crabmeat sticks that i fed it with.
Gonna buy fishballs for it later =)

Oh right... why is there a cat in Orchid Garden??
Basically, it's found lost and seems abandoned.
Roaming around at the back of the restaurant.
So Marc and I played with it, blablabla, it ended up taken care of by alot of us.
Lucy kitty ^^
It's not an ordinary stray cat, we suppose.
Totally tamed, toilet trained, so we assumed it's a domestic cat.
When found, it's so so scrawny. Choosy towards food.
But now, eats almost anything that is edible. Almost.

Ciaoz~

Labels: - Sorry seems to be the hardest word.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

I finally got my off days sorted out.
And it's definitely a BIG deal! Considering me having only 2 off days per month.
I know~ freaking pathetic!
But no choice. Experience tough life first, actually more like NO LIFE!!! Then could i enjoy life later.
3 more months. One word. Endure.

Was supposed to go clubbing today. Plans cancelled.
Well~ I'm okay with it though. Wanted to go when i didn't have the chance to. But mind fickled alittle when everything's not confirmed.
Nevermind. Save money =)

Business wasn't so good for VanillaPod. Haiz. Felt so friggin' tired every single day.
It's not the 'getting-sick-of-the-job' feeling. It's the 'it-is-so-bloody-hot-and-boring-when-there's-no-customers' part.
The stuffy weather makes me sleepy and is suffocating me, threatening to bring me heatstrokes, every single day.

I just realised i couldn't find my brother's donation card.
I'm in such deep shit. Don't know where i dropped or misplaced it.
Hope i remember where i put it after my sleep or just miraculously find it tomorrow.
He's so gonna kill me.
Pray hard~

Oh right... Did i mention i spent a few nights chiong-ing BoysOverFlowers, despite the fact that i have work the next morning?
Haha! I love the drama!
The fact that such beautiful faces actually exist!
The Korean Version's definitely way better than the Taiwanese one.

Okay~ What's next?!

Labels: - Lady luck, Don't run.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Started working as a full timer since the starting of June.
Don't know if it's a good thing or not.
But heck la. As long as i see money coming in to my pocket.

Many things happened.
Lost an important person, and i'm totally not cool bout it.
Did the wrong things and of course, i have to face the consequences.

And i got myself a 'school', maybe, let's just say, a course.
At least it's kind of a stepping stone for me, for now.
We'll see what i can do after that 6 months.

I think i have to throw cactii 1 away.
Ants infested it already.
Saded.

Haiz. Why must things end up this way?

Labels: - I want my BFF back.