| Friday, February 10, 2006 |
|
alone at hm rite now... haiz! again... feel so... lonely... sometimes think tat got bf like no diff to dun hav... got frens like no diff to no frens... feel tat everything in life is already planned & fixed for me... like no rite to find my own destiny... mrs singh's rite... we hav... i mean i hav no life... at all... no meaning in my life... no point tat i'm living in this world... everything's seemed so dead... everyday's doin the same thing... i jus dunno y... when i needed to tok to someone... noone would be there... ha... it's so diff to find someone to tok to... my mind is all filled with voices 'cherlyn lok... u sux big time, really...' i'm god damn emotional... nobody liked me... i cry like everyone owe me sth... wish to control... but i've tried my best... i jus hate myself... noone appreciates wat i do... not my bf, my frens... maybe not even my family... i feel like a failure... i dun wish to be so negative thinkin de... but i cnt help it... everything happen the way i dun wan it to or nv xpected to... like today... ravi & safie came to sch late... i din even know if they r comin to sch not... they were not happy tat i nv help them to keep their files... so i ran down to the office to take them frm mdm loke... then ran back to the hall again... i nv xpected tat ravi would scold me for bringin them up... i was like so shocked & disappointed... my tears were at the edge of my eyelids... i tot they would be happier... but no... maybe tat was wat i think... but in reality... they weren't... i went back to my seat then break down cryin... i was like thinkin... i did quite alot for the class sometimes... but nobody... really nobody appreciates... maybe wat i said or i do doesn't make any difference nor is it important... thanks for anna & syariff who realised i was cryin & tried to comfort me... i really appreciate their concern... my bf was like some kindof weather... he can be very gd... he can be in a bad mood at times... i know i wasn't a gd gf... i always made him angry & stuff... but i... honestly jus wan his attention... i jus wan him to care more for me... to hear bout wat i wanna say... i dun really like to share my probs with him cos i dun think he wouldn't think it's really a big matter... it's so hard to please someone... i'm startin to slack so much tat i'm startin to neglect my studies... i really tried to buck up... but my mind keeps on tellin me not to... haiz... i really hope tomolo would be beta... actually i rather write everythin down here than tell ppl bout wat i m always thinkin... ( ^_<)\/ luv, lyn =luv is not bout possession= |