| Friday, April 03, 2009 |
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Fuck. I didn't get in to any fucking polytechnic. I feel like just slapping myself hard. But everything's already too late. I failed as a daughter & as a student. I disappointed my parents, my brother & ang. I thought if i did well for this last term, i'll get to where i want to be, which is obviously just the most naive thing i could ever thought about. By the time i wanted to do well, it's obviously too late. Who am i to blame... but only myself. I broke the news to bell, ang and mama. Broke down when i called ang. I'm happy that bell made it. Mama was totally disappointed, i can feel it. She didn't know how to tell papa. I know my brother tried very hard to cheer me up. Tried to pretend that nothing unhappy happened. I can't believe i'm going to go overseas with a fucking heavy heart. This wasn't what i wanted. I really wanted to get into a decent poly. Not looking desperately for a private diploma. (Okay... She broke the news to him. I think he expected it, but i can feel he's disappointed too.) I think i'm the most useless person in this family. Only know how to earn n spend more than i earned. So what if i'm silly, dumb and beyond hope-ly kind. It's not going to help me get into a fucking school. Only know how to cry when things come tumbling down. Only know how to talk without showing improvements. Going to get everything ready and head down to RP again to appeal for a place. I really hope to get in. I don't care whoever told me RP sucks. I think RP's a good school. And i'm really not there to just get in just because i couldn't get in to any other schools. It's really because i wanted to learn. So much and so badly. Okay. I think this is what i'm going to say if i'm shortlisted as an interviewee. I'm going to cry & beg if they shake their head. Not. Ahhh! Please get me somewhere. Let me get a glimpse of my future road, give me an opportunity to show what i've got before shooting me to death can?? If you're here to laugh at my plight, go ahead. You know what? I don't care. Because yes, i admit i'm not as smart as any of you who's laughing. Fuck you bitches. |