| Tuesday, April 14, 2009 |
|
I cried, yet again... Still couldn't face the fact that i'm school-less, jobless & penniless. More of the fact that i'm school-less. Every teardrop represents how much i wanted to get into a bloody fucking hell poly and how much i regretted not studying hard enough. It's been more than a week already. And i'm still so bloody hell affected. Ahhh~ It's easy for you guys to say because it's either you have somewhere to go, a poly that accepts you or you have plans ahead of you already. But me? I'm not even prepared to fail getting in to one. I never prepared myself to end up looking for a private school. If i had known i would still come back to square one, i would have gotten myself into a bloody private school and not tryin my luck in an ITE. At least if i couldn't get in to a poly, I would gladly want to put everything here aside and fly all the way abroad to get what i want. But that dream just seems too difficult to achieve and fulfil. I don't know if i should say it's impossible, but mama let me think that it's possible. But i don't think i want to. I can't see what's ahead of me. Everyday seems to be another fruitless day. Tomorrow doesn't look meaningful to me. I need an answer, i need a guidance. I'm sick. But not having an answer to all my questions just made it worse. I don't know where to start picking up my pieces. It's just worse than falling out of love. I don't want to be a 'lalang' forever. I really want to be somebody. I didn't aim to marry a rich man and be a taitai. I wanted to have a career i like and earn loads of money. But all that... I couldn't see it in front of me. The clock is always ticking. Everyday seems to pass by so quickly. There's no time to stay emo, but still, i don't know which step to take. Words of advices fall upon deaf ears. I appreciate all that, but that's not what i wanted to hear. Till now, i still yearn... for that one call, to tell me, "We've just read your appeal and glad to inform you that you've been accepted." I don't even have this scene appearing in my dreams. *tsk I have a headache, a blocked nose and 'sore' eyes (from all that crying). I miss my Mr Ang and i just hope everytime i'm depressed and crying, he'll be there to hug me and wipe my tears away. I want nothing said, no need for consolation, no need for encouragement, just silence. The power of silence says it all, with a hug. Love, encouragement, consolation, care, sincerity and concern. It's much more better and stronger than words. Ah bee! Sigh... I wish you good luck on your catch so that i can have fish for dinner. Lol. Too bad he doesn't visit my blog. Need someone to convey the above messages to him. Haha! It's a good thing to be understood when you're at your worst and downs. My eyes hurt... Labels: - Sing me to sleep, will you? |