| Tuesday, April 07, 2009 |
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I felt so helpless this time, i cried yet again. And thanks to Edwin, I had the letter properly sorted out. Lol. I'm so sorry i made you stayed up till this late. But it's really important to me. For that, I thank you =) Just came back from Malaysia. Still caught in the trauma of not getting accepted. All the advices and opinions gotten from my relatives, just made me regret more on all my past choices and wrong doings. I just felt... useless. Quarrelling with you didn't make me feel any better. It just made me feel worse, because you're retaliating and not thinking why i behaved that way. I knew you cared but i just don't feel it because you don't show it nor express it in the right way. I'll get on with a post with all that has happened during the 3 and a half days back in Malaysia when i'm feeling alittle bit better. Just stop demoralising me already. I don't need encouragements, just mere silence and some peace and quiet would be appreciated. A skip off this particular topic would at least put a plastered smile on my face and make me stop the tears welling up to the brim of my eyes which threaten to overflow again. With Edwin's help, i got the appeal letter done up properly. Ready to be sent in tomorrow. Not! I've yet gather everything i need for the appeal. My testimonials. It's like in the past. Everything's just so last minute. Once again, i can blame nobody but myself. Thanks for all your well wishes and comforts. I do wish i could have lunch with u guys in the same campus. I wish my prayers will be answered. Really i just wish. Once again, i disappointed everyone. I never realised how much it hurts my family, seeing me like this, until now. I deceived myself by thinking i could do it. I let my brother down and i had a feeling he left that bank loan opportunity for me, instead of taking it himself. It hurts me to hear mama asking herself how many more years she has to work harder to fork out the money for our education. It hurts me to realise i'm earning too, yet i always have to ask for more from them. And i know what's the reason. I couldn't stop crying. I'm worrying so much, i think i sleeptalk. Labels: - With or without you. |